For the longest time, I’ve defined myself as a ‘perfectionist’. I used to wear that as a badge of honor, seeing it as one of my top qualities — defining myself as a person who always made sure I did everything ‘perfectly’.
However, as I started going down my inner work journey and learned more about the ways perfectionism can show up in our lives, I quickly realized that it was often leading to more self sabotage than growth.
Tell-Tale Signs of Perfectionism
Here are some examples of how perfectionism can come up in you life:
You procrastinate big, important to-do’s because you feel overwhelmed by the task at hand, leaving things to the last minute so you work quickly under pressure. Inevitably, it doesn’t end up perfect and you end up beating yourself up for not starting it sooner, etc.
You procrastinate those big tasks by focusing on tasks that feel easy to complete but might not be moving the needle forward (checking emails, organizing your house, etc)
You tend to be an all-or-nothing person and struggle with extremes
You feel like you have to be perfect to be liked & dislike showcasing your imperfections to other people in fear of losing their love or approval
You hold yourself up to unrealistic standards and are very self critical
You tend to idealize situations and people in your life
You struggle with finding balance
Does that sound like you? If it does, just know that you are definitely not alone! I’ve been there myself and this is something I am constantly learning more about.
Now, as I’ve grown from this experience, I have found certain tools and mindset shifts that have helped me become a better version of myself, so of course I have to share it with you.
Let’s dive into it.
4 Tips to Help You Heal from Perfectionism
1. “AND” Mindset > “OR” Mindset
What’s the difference? The “OR” mindset sounds something like…. “Either I do my morning routine perfectly OR I drop it”, while the “AND” mindset sounds something like… “I can sleep in a little bit more tomorrow AND still go to the gym, I can just do a shorter workout today”.
2. Just do it!
Yes, the good ol’ Nike Slogan. Just. DO. IT. Don’t wait for the perfect time or perfect idea before taking leaps of faith and doing the things you feel called to do. Go for it, try it! You don’t have to be perfect to start something, but you’ll get better the more you do it. The more you practice a skill, the more you grow in your ability to do it. In the process, you get more comfortable and learn A LOT! Done is better than perfect :)
3. Let go of the idea of perfection
Perfection is a subjective concept. The people who truly love you don’t love you because you match every standard of perfection they have for people in their lives… they love you for who you ARE. Your sense of self love should be the same. You’re worthy of your OWN love, no matter how much you got done today, how much you’ve achieved, etc.
4. Focus on an Abundance Mindset
Instead of focusing your mental energy on lack - what hasn’t been done, what isn’t good ‘enough’, what someone else has that you don’t — focus it on the abundance that is around you.
Flip the script and take stock of what you DID accomplish (even if it wasn’t in your to-do list from the morning).
Be proud of your imperfect achievements — taking action is always worthy of celebration!
Take note of all the things in your life that are really special and great — ex. you might not be loving your job, but maybe you have a loving family, you have read lots of books or are showing up for a healthy habit that makes you feel really good!
I hope that those tips & reminders help you start to grow and evolve from perfectionism!
If you want to listen to the full podcast episode where I dive into all of this, here's the link:
Remember the importance of self-compassion - healing from patterns takes time and repetition, so focus on one step at a time.
Let yourself go beyond the self imposed limits of perfection you’ve placed on yourself and allow yourself to go after the things you feel called to, even if they feel scary at first!
See you next week :)
With love,
xx Caro
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