On this week's solo episode, Carolina dives into the topic of shame. If you are HUMAN, you've probably struggled with feelings of shame before, and dismantling this experience is so important for our growth. Caro talks about what shame even IS, the difference between shame and guilt, and how to navigate the the tough inner battles that shame brings.
What is shame?
Shame is “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior". It's is something that we have all experienced before... that feeling of embarrassment, the “ugh why did I do that?” feeling. This is a normal feeling, but as humans we sit with this feeling and let it eat away at us and even let it determine our own worth.
In this episode, Carolina broke down what shame IS and shared some really insightful quotes from Brené Brown, who has been researching shame for nearly two decades. One of them specifically resonated with me. She says, “shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging and connection.” I feel that this really hits deep -- so many of us will do, say or not do something that leaves us feeling that we are then unworthy of what life has to offer. That we are unworthy of the good things in life. And this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Shame & perfectionism
Carolina attributes a lot of our definition of what is “worthy” comes from society and the pressures to have this “perfect life”. But what are we even comparing to? Maybe the person you think has it all is actually struggling with something else. It’s so easy to seem like you have it all together on the outside, but actually feel out of control on the inside.
She even quickly touched on her own journey of recovering as a perfectionist -- how she always wanted others to think her life was balanced and needed everything to be going as planned. But what she realized was that if she didn’t do everything to perfect her life, she felt guilty, which led to shame and regret.
These intense emotions are all interconnected and can create a cycle of emotions that leave us feeling unworthy and down on ourselves.
However, there is a power in talking about shame: it gives us strength and allows us to call out our flaws. And hey, we all have them... so why are we hiding from them? The more that you understand the things that you feel ashamed about, the more you are able to realize what is actually triggering it and learn and work on accepting and honoring your choices.
You can listen to the full audio episode here or watch it on YouTube
With love,
Michaela + Inner Growth Collective
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